Since the time I have been blogging, a lot of personal situations suddenly seem ripe for sharing. Either I am desperate for content triggers or my life really is that interesting or worth talking about. Be it as it may, I think last week one incident made me introspect and realize some coping mechanisms I have now started using successfully for anger management, as much as I can help it.
Background
As you may have noticed, I recently got my website redesigned. While there is a lot more work I need to put in for the finishing touches (especially in the department of better resolution images), I was quite happy with the job I got done through a digital freelancer on Fiverr. There were many rounds of back and forth and changes to and fro but finally the site was ready.
As for the logistics, the designer first took a backup of my website on 1st October, 2018 and worked on it on a temporary domain while I kept up with my regular blogging schedule of two posts a week. By the time it was ready to be transported back, it was the weekend of 13th and 14th October. With a final approval, he migrated the newly designed website back to my domain.
As I saw the website on the domain, I realized my last 4 posts published in the interim were completely missing. I checked the links on social media as well and saw a Page 404 link to it. These posts included a roundup with 18 other Personal Finance bloggers as well as a post about my one year at Elementum Money. All in all, the 4 posts had done pretty well and looking at that blunder I saw red.
However, as you can see now, the posts are back though any comments that it had received then are now missing. I even ended up giving a good review to the guy and I believe I was polite through the crisis. How it unfolded from my discovery to being resolved is what I will talk about while listing down some psychological measures to not lose your cool.
Why is anger harmful?
In my experience, it is very easy to get angry and rage about it, especially when you realize that you might not be the one at fault. But, is it really effective? Not really. As Buddha said – Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
You could end up saying or doing things you don’t mean
Anger might be a negative emotion but it is extremely powerful. If it is not checked you could end up saying things you don’t mean or even regret. Most of us don’t have it in us to apologize for things said and done in such moments which could drive away the people in your life. Might be a better idea then to avoid doing anything on those lines altogether.
Anger impacts your health in multiple ways
Have you ever had anger headaches or even trembled in anger? I know I have clenched my teeth and sometimes even punched a wall when I get mad. Clearly, I am not a person to be messed with. Jokes aside, there is research to prove that anger impacts your health in very vital ways, be it resulting in high blood pressure, heart ailments or depression. This article from Everyday Health lists the multiple ways in which anger could impact your physical and mental health.
Anger diverts energy from your true potential
As I said earlier, anger is a very strong emotion. It feeds on your energy with a similar force of reactionary outlet. The energy that you use to feed your anger would be much better utilized in more productive outlets and help you in discovering your true potential. This article is a great help in how to not things personally and being able to avoid getting angry.
When you are perpetually angry, you are also dissatisfied with life
To be content in life, one of the core ingredients is positive emotions. Sample a regular day in your life if you choose to be angry at the drop of a hat – you wake up in the morning and your steamer is not working forcing you to take a cold shower. While driving to work, a horrible driver cuts you off glaring at you all the time. When you reach the office, you realize two of the team members have suddenly taken leave. At each such occasion, you have two options. You could choose to let it keep piling in your head ultimately being dissatisfied with your day and life. Or you could get angry for a minute or two but consciously let it go.
Anger could be a defense mechanism
Imagine that you get angry at your spouse for the smallest of things. What you are failing to acknowledge is probably your discomfort at not getting much time to spend with them. Anger is often a defense mechanism or a haze preventing you from seeing the root of an issue. Try to set it aside and dive deep into what the real concern might be and talk it out.
Some tips on Anger Management
A few small tweaks to the way you think can help you be more productive and much calmer when things go wrong in a way you never really anticipated. These are some of the ways that I have adopted to ensure I maintain my cool.
Breathe
Take a minute to just disconnect from the situation. If you are standing, take a seat and simply breathe deeply. Focus only on that while letting everything else in life breathe. You will gradually feel the weight of that anger lifting from your head. The anger will not disappear completely and neither should it. But the urgency with which it probably inhabited your head, will dissipate.
Write
Does this advice come across as strange to you or are you scoffing at me because I might be someone who like to write whereas you couldn’t be bothered to do so? The good news is that writing is cathartic. Well, there was a phase in my life when I didn’t like a lot of aspects of my life but most of them were not my controllable. I used to get angry about it quite a bit. Then I started typing it out and emailing it to myself. Those no-holds-barred emails were a fantastic release which never found an outlet beyond my phone but also helped me relax. Before you try to do this, promise yourself that you will NOT have your subject read these emails. It is about letting go of those negative feelings without hurting anyone.
Try to figure out how to rectify it
Anger usually has a trigger through uncomfortable situations. My latest four posts not being live meant a lot of hard work gone. If you did not get a promotion despite having worked hard, maybe you need to face the truth that your organization does not value you or the work that you put in. Once you stop being angry, it is pertinent to notice that anger can simply be the trigger to a massive boulder while you are making your way to the center of a maze. Instead of kicking that boulder and stubbing your toe, sidestep it and just focus on what you need to get done to move to the prize in the middle of the maze.
Look at the bigger picture
Often, the smallest of things can end up triggering major anger rages. For some time, I focussed only on the missing 4 posts which made up about 2-3{76b947d7ef5b3424fa3b69da76ad2c33c34408872c6cc7893e56cc055d3cd886} of my website content, conveniently forgetting how much better the rest of it looked. Once I decided to stop focussing on it, I was simply grateful for making the choice of doing the redesign as in totality my website looks far better and more professional (the minor tweaks that I still need to make not withstanding). Similarly, when you decide to look at the bigger picture than letting the trigger take over your life, you willrealizee how much richer your life is and how greatful you should be.
Talk to someone who pacifies you
This is one thing which has worked wonders for me. In this case, my husband was the one to point out that I have the content on word documents saved on my laptop and that the designer might be able to upload it on the same URLs and same dates. He is also the one who told me that the website otherwise looks great and to treat it as a small hiccup. I also have a close knit circle of a few girl friends who have been my go to sounding boards for times when I am anxious or angry. Find your sounding board who gets you on the right track once again.
Anger is good till the time it forces you to take a positive action. However, more often than not it is unconsciously destructive and controlling those tendencies would only lead to enriching your life.
Have you seen the ugly side of anger? What are the strategies you use to control it at the times that you get angry? Let me know in the comments below. Also, in case of any feedback on the new design, feel free to tell me.
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